Title: Families Reunite: Immigrant Family Reunification Parent Guide

Transcription

1 Title: Families Reunite: Immigrant Family Reunification Parent Guide By: Fairfax County Public Schools Families Reunite:Immigrant Family Reunification Parent Guide Fairfax County Public Schools. Fairfax, VA. BRYCS is a project of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops/Migration and Refugee Services (USCCB/MRS) / info@brycs.org/

2 Families Reunite Immigrant Family Reunification PARENT GUIDE Fairfax County Public Schools - Family and School Partnerships - October 2014

3 Fairfax County Public Schools - Family and School Partnerships - October 2014

4 INTRODUCTION This curriculum was developed by Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS), a large school district in Northern Virginia with over 184,000 students. FCPS welcomes and embraces its diverse immigrant and refugee student population and their families. FCPS recognizes the richness that this diversity brings to the classrooms and climate of the schools. According to the U.S. Census, the number of immigrants (documented and undocumented) in the U.S. reached a new record of 40 million in the last ten years (13 percent of the total country s population). This is a 28% increase from the 2000 U.S. Census. The largest percentage of newcomers arrived from Honduras (85%), India (74%), Guatemala (73%), Peru (54%), El Salvador (49%), Ecuador (48%), and China (43%). Those born in Latin America make up the largest group of immigrants (over half or 53%). One-half of Latinos in the U.S. were born in Mexico. There are immigrants in every state of the U.S. Most live in California, New York, Texas, and Florida. Of all the nation s children, one-fifth are foreign-born. Like you, some of the families do not arrive in the United States together. In some families the father, or the mother, arrives first in order to earn money and set up a home. While the intention is to keep the separation brief, the parent learns that it is difficult to save money to bring the children to America. While parents work and save money here, the children are raised by aunts, uncles, grandparents, or others in the home country. The money sent home typically provides the children with a better quality of life than if the parent had stayed. However, there are often consequences to a long separation among family members. This is what we will explore together. We call this process of coming back together to live as a family under the same roof, reunifying. Since those new to the country (immigrants or migrants) often have special or unique circumstances that bring them here, happen to them while traveling here, or happen upon arrival we will also examine the role of immigration in the reunifying process. This booklet is intended to be used by parents before, during, or after reunifying with their children. It is not to be read in isolation. A trained facilitator will guide you through the readings and activities in this booklet. We hope you join in the discussions as we explore the topic of family reunification together. We can learn from each other and help each other in the process. Please note: For purposes of this document the words foreign-born, immigrant, and international mean the same. We recognize that the reunification process is not easy. We will come to understand challenges common to all of us who have immigrated to the United States and the impact of family separation and reunification on our children. We will learn and share ways to promote positive family reunions. We will identify resources in the schools and community that exist to help us. Fairfax County Public Schools - Family and School Partnerships - October 2014

5 TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT GETTING STARTED INTRODUCTION THE PARENT PERSPECTIVE WHY DID YOU MOVE TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA? WHAT WERE YOUR FIRST YEARS LIKE?... 4 GRIEF ACCULTURATION IDENTIFYING STRESSORS DO THESE SOUND FAMILIAR? WHAT YOU MAY BE THINKING AND FEELING AS THE PARENT ROLE PLAY # QUESTIONS TO LEARN FROM, QUESTIONS TO HEAL BY EFFECTIVE APOLOGIES EXPLORE YOUR STRENGTHS HOMEWORK STAGES OF IMMIGRANT PARENT INVOLVEMENT IN SCHOOLS 20 WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF NOW? 21 BECOME INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILD S EDUCATION ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS THE CHILD PERSPECTIVE MARTA S STORY WHAT S IN YOUR CHILD S SUITCASE? ROLE PLAY # DO THESE SOUND FAMILIAR? REUNIFICATION A DREAM COME TRUE? WHAT YOUR CHILD MAY BE THINKING AND FEELING IALAC CHILDREN ARE RESILIENT THINK ABOUT TALK ABOUT APPENDIX EVALUATION OF PROGRAM. RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES IN THE PROCESS OF REUNIFYING.. iii-iv V Fairfax County Public Schools - Family and School Partnerships - October 2014

6 LESSON 1 THE PARENT PERSPECTIVE

7 EFFECTIVE APOLOGIES Deborah Tannen, author and Georgetown University professor who studies language, says apologies serve two purposes: To admit you are at fault, and to show you care. For an apology to be sincere, Tannen says it must have the following parts: 1. You must admit fault. 2. You must say you understand the effect your actions had on the other person. 3. You must show that you are truly sorry. 4. You must promise to fix the problem you caused and never do it again. Sample: I am so very sorry for the sadness and confusion you felt when I moved to this country and left you with abuela. That was not what I thought would happen. At the time, it seemed the best thing to do to build a better future for our family. I missed you so very much and was so excited about having you come here to live with us. Now that we are together again and I understand how my leaving made you feel, I will do whatever I can to help you learn to love and trust me again. I also understand that you miss abuela and I will do whatever I can to help us stay in touch and visit when we can. Apologizing doesn t always mean you are wrong and the person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego Unknown Selection from Families Reunite Parent Guide section on Effective Apologies, pages 16-17

8 Activity: 1.3: Writing an apology For the first 4 minutes, work by yourself and write an apology that you might say to your child about leaving and reunifying. For the second 4 minutes, work with a partner to practice your apology. Make sure both partners get a chance to share their apology. Make sure both apologies include the four parts of an effective apology.

9 EXPLORE YOUR STRENGTHS: Build Your Social Network What helps you cope with everyday life? Where do you draw your strength? What are your dreams for yourself and your family? When you are under stress, what is most helpful to you? Are there places in the community where you can find help? Faith Community Schools Friends Identify and seek out opportunities to connect to others. Build Your Resilience Community Centers Family Exercise regularly. Eat healthy snacks and meals. Neighbors Relax to music. Meditate. Pray. Plan ahead. Anticipate difficulties and have resources in place. Ask your social network for help; don t be shy. If necessary, seek out community programs for help. Resource: Strengthening Families and Communities Resource Guide, Public domain material. Pages selected from Families Reunite Parent Guide, pages 18-19, Explore Your Strengths and Homework.

10 HOMEWORK The toughest thing about being a parent is The best thing about being a parent is The toughest thing about being a kid is The best part of being a kid is

11 STAGES OF IMMIGRANT PARENT INVOLVEMENT IN SCHOOLS Young-chan Han, a family involvement specialist for the Maryland State Department of Education, and immigrant from South Korea, identifies four stages of immigrant parent involvement in education (from Stages of Immigrant Parent Involvement, Young-chan Han in Innovative Voices In Education: Engaging Diverse Communities (E. Kugler, 2012). Cultural Leader Parents advocate for others. Participates in leadership programs and trainings. Seeks leadership opportunities. Advocates for families. Communicates immigrant families needs. Cultural Connector Parents continue to attend school functions and meetings and become a voice for others. Seeks out more than basic information. More easily navigates the school system. Develops greater familiarity with the school system, educational terminologies, policies and procedures. Feels comfortable with both the language specific programs and the English-only programs with the help of interpreters. Cultural Learner Parents begin to attend school functions with the support of interpreters and parent liaisons. Relies heavily on translated documents and interpreters to gain knowledge about American schools. Participates in parent-teacher conferences with the support of interpreters. Attends language specific parent programs and events. Gains basic understanding of American school culture and how to navigate the school system. Cultural Survivor Parents may be homeless, refugees, recent immigrants, illiterate in their native language. Focuses on meeting the basic survival needs of the family. Enrolls children in schools with the help of relatives, bilingual friends, community members, or school staff. May work two or three labor-intensive jobs to support the family. Physically absent at home. Attends parent-teacher conference only if leave is granted from work and if an interpreter is available. Does not know how to navigate the school system.

12 LESSON #2 THE CHILD PERSPECTIVE

13 WHAT IS IN YOUR CHILD S SUITCASE? Our experiences shape our beliefs and expectations. It is the same with our children. Their life experiences shape the beliefs and expectations for themselves, about the adults who care for them, and about the world in general. Let s use Jorge as an example. When back in Honduras he lived with, and witnessed, domestic violence. His mother left him at the age of four to go work and live in the United States. The separation lasted 10 years. What is in Jorge s suitcase? In other words what does he carry with him, invisible to the eye? It s all my fault J Beliefs about self? Beliefs about the world? I am stupid Grownups lie! No one loves me Beliefs about caregivers? Taken from Caring for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma: A Workshop for Resource Parents. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). February Funded by SAMHSA, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

14 WHAT S IN YOUR CHILD S SUITCASE? CONTINUED Focusing Activity 2.2. Take a plastic sandwich bag from the center of the table. Using separate slips of paper write down what you think might be in your child s invisible suitcase. Be sure to include: Beliefs and expectations about him or herself. Beliefs and expectations about you and other caregivers. Beliefs and expectations about the world. Discuss at your table: How you can repack this suitcase with positive experiences and beliefs? How can you promote resilience in your child by making him or her feel safe? Capable? Lovable?