Student Sample 3 With Commentary

Transcription

1 Score Row Score points: Total = 10 (out of 30 possible points) Scoring Commentary Understanding and Analyzing Content Understanding and Analyzing Perspective Selecting and Using Evidence Building and Communicating an Argument 2: The report poses a problem, question or issue simplistically, places the problem in a limited context and provides no rationale, or a weak rationale, for the inquiry process. 2: The report identifies weak or irrelevant perspectives and refers to arguments without evaluating their validity. 2: The report cites limited evidence to build its argument. 2: The report offers opinions or unclear resolutions, solutions, or conclusions not supported by evidence. Attempts to situate a complicated issue, reducing poverty, but addresses it simplistically and ambiguously, Great Depression worst recession developing countries homeless in big name cities. No rationale for the inquiry. Report identifies several factors that might reduce poverty, i.e. fair minimum wage for employment, involvement and help the community through charitable organization, provide shelter with some decency, and micro lending. The essay suggests combining them. This will come to effect for the immediate needs of daily items, it gives a decent living space, a sustainable amount of money, and it helps increase income for the long run. There are some points of clarity as in the minimum wage paragraph which considers raising the minimum wage rather than relying on discredited neoliberal trickle down economics but the lack of citations for the technical information in the paragraph leaves the reader to question the source. The affordable housing paragraph attempts to consider the effects of government regulation on prices but doesn t include any consideration of what effect fewer regulations would have. Near the end of the paragraph, the essay suggests the writers of the report are members of a committee advising the town council which adds to the reader s confusion over attribution. Evidence is sparsely used. Attempts to synthesize are flawed in that sources are misquoted: Poor people with children only work one half as many hour, on average, as non poor families with children in 2001, according to the Census Bureau. Evidence is flawed in that the quotes don t support the essay s position: ''Development is the strategy of evasion. The conclusion is a cursory review of the positive effects of the 4 approaches to reducing poverty. These claims are not supported by evidence in the report as there is very little evidence in the report. The essay closes with Hope is what keep these people to focus on the positive and to keep their head up, followed by a quote attributed to the Dalai Lama. Selecting and Using Evidence 1: The report includes many errors in attribution and citation. The bibliography, if included, does not utilize a consistent style and format. Many errors in attempts to attribute and cite as well as a lack of attribution or citation, according to the Census Bureau and in 2010 the poverty rate. The bibliography is a list of URLs. Grammar and Style 1: The report contains many flaws in grammar and style that interfere with communication to the reader. The many flaws in grammar and style make the essay difficult to read. Verb tense is inconsistent. Errors like these in the first paragraph alone are consistent throughout the essay: Poverty has been problems ; There are a vast majority of poverty ; poor manage government ; countris progress ; There plenty of homelessness.

2 [This document was originally in Adobe Acrobat. Any errors such as including numbering of footnotes or general spacing that occurred in translation to a Word document are not the fault of the student.] Poverty is but a problem yet to be resolved. Poverty has been problems all over the world, but the drastic moments such as the Great Depression are where we see the ugliest economic downturns that cause many people to be evicted from their homes, and were now homeless. Now, with the worst recession in a generation still in effect across the nation, state and government leaders are focused on getting their economies running while aiding families trying to make ends meet. There are a vast majority of poverty in developing countries due to the poor manage government and the countris progress to become a stable nation. There plenty of homelessness in big name cities such as Los Angeles, Ney York, and Miami. Unfortunately in 20I 0 the poverty rate was twenty four percent of African American and about twenty six percent of Hispanics; these statistics tell us that we have to take action towards these economic problems we face. "Poor people with children only work one half as many hour, on average, as non poor families with children in 2001", according to the Census Bureau. Some approaches are: fair minimum wage for employment, involvement and help the community through charitable organization, provide shelter with some decency, and micro lending which the more promising one is since is the solution that seems long term. For permanent results, we need to find a way to combine them and amplify their impact locally and globally. This will come to effect for the immediate needs of daily items, it gives a decent living space, a sustainable amount of money, and it helps increase income for the long run. Comment [Reader1]: Rubric Row 1: Attempts to situate a complicated issue, reducing poverty, but addresses it simplistically and ambiguously, Great Depression worst recession developing countries homeless in big name cities. No rationale for the inquiry. Rubric Row 6: Errors like these in the first paragraph alone are consistent throughout the essay: Poverty has been problems ; There are a vast majority of poverty ; poor manage government ; countris progress ; There plenty of homeless. Comment [Reader2]: Rubric Row 5: Many errors in attempts to attribute and cite as well as a lack of attribution or citation, according to the Census Bureau and in 2010 the poverty rate. Comment [Reader3]: Rubric Row 3: Evidence is sparsely used. Attempts to synthesize are flawed in that sources are misquoted: Poor people with children only work one half as many hour, on average, as non-poor families with children in 2001, according to the Census Bureau. Comment [Reader4]: Rubric Row 5: Many errors in attempts to attribute and cite as well as a lack of attribution or citation, according to the Census Bureau and in 2010 the poverty rate. Comment [Reader5]: Rubric Row 2: Report identifies several factors that might reduce poverty, i.e. fair minimum wage for employment, involvement and help the community through charitable organization, provide shelter with some decency, and micro lending. The essay suggests combining them. This will come to effect for the immediate needs of daily items, it gives a decent living space, a sustainable amount of money, and it helps increase income for the long run.

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4 For that we need to think of a multifaceted approach to end it, which has to have a pennanent effect on poverty. These solutions will change the future of people, who are victims of this economic downturn, and provide immediate and extensive results towards the lives of the low income. Promotions for theses program are essential to encourage donation to continue this trend of beneficial opportunities. Additionally, it will create some kind of foundation for these people, and they could rise up among others to fight for a better life for themselves and the people around. Helping many families in this situation is probably the main priority because children are in the picture, and they need to be able to live a decent life. They would never struggle if we, as a nation, help these people by giving donations or loans to can rise from this horrible financial mess. Why give money to those in need, Why should I? This is a common question people make to themselves when thinking about homelessness and the choice that give a donation; this is mostly due to our poor knowledge on the issue, or its impact in the world or right in your backyard. What needs to be done is no dramatic advertising, or charismatic phrases for people to donate, but instead a real life description of their life struggles. A way to contribute towards this is charitable donations because they need food and shelter for some immediate attention that they so much beg for. Charitable donation such as furniture or clothing is essentials. Donate household items that you not using, items that's not important to you anymore that you put in your (garage basement etc.), send it to any organization that distribute charitable items. You can donate food in cans or in tray. Clothing are important item that must be donated, and giving sums of money are also beneficial, as well All of these alternatives can meet the needs for the present lives of the low income civilians. Do to the percentage of people doubt that charities are not enough to make a change, but they do not record the impact that it does, and assistance that provides to those in need. Today's support has made possible the expansion and increase in influence of charities and humanitarian organizations. Sending doctors is one of these efforts, but the most promising is the construction of free hospitals and clinics in the US and other countries all over the world.. As for now, we can only give support and our help, without it we can't expect poverty to be resolved.

5 Charities remind us that there are people that actually care, and whose has had a profound influence on the world situation and upcoming development.although, some people think that charities are just but organizations making unnecessarily intends to resolve problems which are too good to diminish. They have yet to see the progress its making. By giving your devotion you will have something valuable than money to offer. ''Development is the strategy of evasion. When you can't give people land reform, give them hybrid cows. When you can't send children to school, try an improper education. When you can't provide basic health to people, talk of health insurance. Can't give them jobs? Not to worry, just redefme the words "employment opportunities". Don't want to do away with using children as a form of slave labor? Never mind. Talk of "improving the conditions of child labor!" It sounds good. You can even make money out of it". (Palagunmi Sainath). Comment [Reader6]: Rubric Row 3: Evidence is sparsely used. Evidence is flawed in that the quotes don t support the essay s position: ''Development is the strategy of evasion. Raising the minimum wage is a key strategy for doing both and should be part of an economic recovery agenda This briefing paper details the positive impact of raising the minimum wage and indexing it to increase so that it does not continue to fall in real value every year on working families, local businesses, and state economies. By increase pay checks in the low wage jobs on which more families are relying than ever, a stronger minimum wage will help restore the consumer spending that powers our economy and that local businesses need in order to grow. A strong minimum wage is a key building block of sustainable economic recovery.. Raising the minimum wage is a key strategy for doing both and should be part of an economic recovery agenda This briefing paper details the positive impact of raising the minimum wage and indexing it to increase so that it does not continue to fall in real value every year on working families, local businesses, and state economies. By boosting pay in the low wage jobs on which more families are relying than ever, a stronger minimum wage will help restore the consumer spending that powers our economy and that local businesses need in order to grow. A good minimum wage is a key building block of sustainable economic recovery. The problem with our economy today is that the growing gap between the real wages and productivity has violated the traditional relationship between real wages and consumption.

6 So if the productivity of each worker is rising strongly, yet that worker's capacity to purchase (the real wage) is lagging badly behind. How does economic recovery which relies on growth in spending sustain itself'? Which is why policy should be more directed toward programs that increase the minimum wage and less of discredited neoliberal "trickle down" economics? Trickle down economics is largely counterproductive because it shifts more resources into the hands of those who have fewer... propensities to spend and keep the economy moving. Economists have discovered that causes of high housing prices are the least affordable markets and those Comment [Reader7]: Rubric Row 2: There are some points of clarity as in the minimum wage paragraph which considers raising the minimum wage rather than relying on discredited neoliberal trickle-down economics but the lack of citations for the technical information in the paragraph leaves the reader to question the source. government regulations that slow the expansion of the supply in the local housing. The price, existing and new, homes are confident by the total amount of supplies in relations from the demands. In most market, increase in requests that are met with an enhancing quantity supplied. Unfortunately, the supply side of the market has been restricted by government regulations and prohibitions here in the Bay Area and most of the nation's other least affordable markets. Financial experts, who have found that government restrictions on building, cause the housing affordability problem, are not attorneys of any interest group. It has been found by economists at top universities and published in the leading peer reviewed scholarly journals. But in regulated areas, homes cost much more than the cost of construction. They estimated that ninety percent of the difference between the cost of the construction of a new home and its market price was caused by government land use regulation and only I 0 percent of the difference was due to intrinsically scarce land. In a study focused specifically on California that they published in the American Economic Review the top rated scholarly economics journal they find "a positive relationship between the degree of regulatory stringency and housing prices" and "that new housing construction is lower in more regulated cities." Because restrictions on new construction are the root cause of affordability problems it is essential that this commission recommend some form of repeal and/or roll back of supply restrictions in Oakland if we want to actually achieve affordability. I concur with Professors Glaser and Gyourko when they write, if _

7 policy advocates are interested in reducing housing costs, they would do well to start with zoning reform. Building small numbers of subsidized housing units is likely to have a trivial impact on average housing prices, even if well targeted towards deserving poor households. However. reducing the implied zoning tax on new construction could well have a massive impact on l. housing prices." I understand that there are flaw to eliminating some of these restrictions. However, our task as a commission is to make recommendations to the city council that would

8 increase home affordability. Given the consensus of scientific economic research it would be irresponsible of this commission to make any recommendation that did not include scaling back building supply restrictions. The council, not this commission, will have to weigh the merits of increased affordability achieved by this method against other social goals. Another option to stop homelessness is microlending is affective towards their lives, and it creates a future for them. It provides them with money, and gives them some kind of work experience, and drags them out Comment [Reader8]: Rubric Row 2: The affordable housing paragraph attempts to consider the effects of government regulation on prices but doesn t include any consideration of what effect fewer regulations would have. Near the end of the paragraph, the essay suggests the writers of the report are members of a committee advising the town council which adds to the reader s confusion over attribution. from homelessness. Well, in a matter of a few years, this program will soon change when their credit rises; their income increases, and has more of a stable lifestyle that does not require sleeping in the car or grotesque, old motels. Results are not vary, though, but with enough support and funding could drive into a proper path. According to NYU Wagner's Analysis of the Effects of Microfinance on Poverty Reduction. Microfinance has proven to be an effective and powerful tool for poverty reduction. Like many other development tools, however, it has insufficiently penetrated the poorer strata of society." (Murdoch, Wagner). There are many stories that conclude that microfinacing has a huge impact on the, poverty throughout the world. Major disagreements for these programs or solutions are the money issue, and that these programs seem farfetched. Also, the issue with how is microlending not similar to the welfare payments that people receives. The difference is that welfare haves many disadvantages and people seem to be taken for granted for people to receive money for their own selfish needs. Microlending is for the laborer who really wants to make a difference to their credit, income, and

9 their future. Additionally, microlending is not for anyone because of all the hard work you need to do in order to have some success in this. Issues that could occur from donations are the lack of people who seem to help on the situation. Because of that, is essential to express the problem to the public to touch their hearts. Charitable donations are usually provided from people who are compassionate, and know the ghastly things about homelessness. Money is always issue involving these huge project, but there's always donated money. Poverty is something that seemly is not going away in time soon or in the near future. These solutions would not guarantee to completely get rid of poverty, but it will help the one that need saving. Donation can provide homeless civilians with money or necessity's that are essential of daily uses, raise the minimum wage can give more money for the employees that are facing financial hardships, build house establishments for people who cannot pay rent, due to the recent raises of rent profits, and providing loans to start your own business or establishment. Theses' are just some of the many solutions that create a silver lining for the people who struggle everyday on normal day basis for having items that we take for granted. Hope is what keep these people to focus on the positive and to keep their head up. "I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. (Dalai Lama) 2,105 Comment [Reader9]: Rubric Row 4: The conclusion is a cursory review of the positive effects of the 4 approaches to reducing poverty. These claims are not supported by evidence in the report as there is very little evidence in the report. The essay closes with Hope is what keep these people to focus on the positive and to keep their head up, followed by a quote attributed to the Dalai Lama. Comment [Reader10]: Rubric Row 6: The many flaws in grammar and style make the essay difficult to read. Verb tense is inconsistent.

10 Sources (by Anup Shah, September 04, 2011) Comment [Reader11]: Rubric Row 5: The bibliography is a list of URLs. (by Anup Shah, April 08, 2012) of poverty (by Anup Shah, January 07, 2013) issues.org/print/article/ /analysis%20of%20of%20the%20effects. pdf(morduch.j, Haley B.) Assistant Professor Sarhad University of Science & Information Technology Peshawar Pakistan 20ll/16.pdf(Role of Micro Finance in Reducing Poverty: A Look at Social and Economic Factors Muhammad Kashif Durrani.K. Lecturer Preston University Islamabad Islamabad Pakistan. Dr. Abid Usman Muhammad Imran Malik Ph.D. Scholar FUIEMS, Foundation University Islamabad Pakistan Shafiq Ahmad MBA Student Iqra National University Pakistan) minimum wage wont reduce poverty/article/ poverty and decency/ /en/index.html